Can You Remember Your Birth?


“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”   Mark Twain

I am thankful for my imagination’s idea of what my birth might have been like. You talk about a bad start to a day. I was dwelling in perfect harmony, basking in the silence of my serene world at 6:30 am on July 16, when this immense Caucasian man and his accomplice decided to pull a knife and thrust it right into the middle of my life. They scared the bee-jibbers out of me and caused me to shout and cry like I had never done. The razor-sharp knife passed within inches of my lips and approached my tummy. It hit flesh leaving an eight-inch gash in my mom that would leave a scar forever.

At first I couldn’t believe my eyes, the blade came out of nowhere and then for a moment I saw the silver glint flying toward my brow and race downward until it withdrew from my vision. It reappeared and blood gushed everywhere.

Prior to this rude interruption, I had been quietly sleeping in the pitch dark until the thug turned on the lights and I caught a blurry view of the ugly dude all dressed in green. Adding insult to my unfolding circumstance, he was so happy with the bloody mess he had caused that he smiled ever so slightly as I tried to figure out what the devil had happened. He cried out…”I think we got an Adam.” For a moment I thought, “Don’t call me Adam!” But I couldn’t say anything. The words would not come. All I could do was wiggle and squirm.

Naturally I flailed my arms in self-protection, but he was considerably larger and quickly grabbed my wrists and jerked me upward toward himself. Now I was really getting helplessly riled and tried to spit into his face or kick him in any delicate place.

Unfortunately the blaring light nearly blinded me and I felt like he had thrown some kind of yucky slime in my face impeding my breathing. Everything felt cold, all over my body.

6 Risk Cesarean Birth (baby) - Tips newborn.jpg

What idiot says, “Big boys don’t cry?” The next thing I knew this giant had jabbed his fingers into my mouth, turned me around so I saw nothing but a tile floor, and almost instantaneously hit me unbelievably hard on my back. I suddenly remembered that I previously lounging in the buff. Then I noticed there were a couple of other masked women standing around getting their jollies at my plight.

One of the women liked what she saw and moved toward me and grabbed me out of the man’s hands. Before I could regain my senses, the ugly guy once again grabbed a knife and moved it toward my stomach. I tried to move, but this woman was actually much stronger than I was. And, she bent me back as that moron cut wildly according to his wish. The pain was excruciating and I screamed as loudly as possibly hoping for someone to come to my aid. The bad news was that the other masked woman came to the aid of the other with a small string and I feared they were going to choke me to death.

Thankfully, I blacked out from the pain. But that didn’t last long enough. I was caught totally off balance. Then the two aggressive women sort of tossed me on an aluminum serving-cart as if I was going to be wheeled off for more abuse.

I was wheeled away from the sight of the attack and surprisingly saw my mother to my left for the first time in my life and she smiled as if she was totally pleased with what had just happened. Come to find out, she, my father, and the man in green had planned this whole reality show.

Guess this was both the worst and best day of my life! An Italian birth delivery—compliments of Caesar.

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